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TOP TEN HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DEATH STAR'S VICTORY OVER THE ENTERPRISE

10. Impact from the Death Star's planet-crushing laser rips the Enterprise's hull, breaks bulkheads, and knocks off Bill Shatner's hairpiece.

9. In the confusion of the battle, Scotty and Chekov swap accents

8. Sulu stands up, crabs his crotch, and screams, "Hey Captain! Plot a course for THIS!"

7. Spock attempts a mind meld with Darth Vader. Is overcome with the urge to narrate television programs and write bad poetry.

6. Kirk panics when he realizes that there won't be any gorgeous alien babes in this episode.

5. Famous McCoy quote: "Dammit Jim, if you mention how you're responsible for the lives of 430 crewmen one more time I'm going to deck you!"

4. Dozens of nameless red-shirted security officers realize that their only hope for survival is to become part of the bridge crew. They storm the bridge and are about to commit mutiny when they are all horribly killed in a bizarre turbolift accident.

3. Lt. Uhura destroys a fleet of incoming Tie fighters by singing into the subspace radio.

2. Majel Barret begins looking for a part on the next spinoff series.

1. The battle ends abruptly and an intergalactic holiday is declared when it is announced that the O.J. Simpson trial is finally over.