Chemistry and Gnomes
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The Gnome Theory of Chemical Bonding

Firstly , many thanks to Matt for some deep philosophical theorizing in the propounding of this theory.

Basically , this theory is based on the fact that atoms and molecules are not held together by electrons ( which are basically an improvable concept - and require you to believe in wave particle duality which we all know is crap) but be tiny microscopic gnomes sat on each molecule.

Now each of these gnomes have a fixed number of arms, and those arms are of a fixed strength. Also the gnomes have either male or female characteristics. For a quick example:-

Potassium - This is the sexy , hunky , Brad Pitt type of gnome and has one very strong arm.
Flouride - This is the Claudia Schiffer of the gnome world, and is highly attractive to all male gnomes , and indeed some female gnomes.She also has one strong arm.

Therefore , when these two gnomes see each other , they hold hands really tight and never let go.

hmmmm- i think that works!
The fuller version of gnome theory is at welshpete2