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The Bible of Beer

The Book of the Game

Chapter 1

The 10 commandments of the Game

1 Thou shalt consider winning a luxury , but a luxury that can be afforded frequently; but thou shalt consider losing a traversty to be avoided at all costs.
2 Thou shalt not consort with the hated blind zebra clan of referees, unless it is to abuse them about a dodgy call, or to bribe them with offers of free beer after the game.
3 Thou shalt respect and honour thine opponent, unless of course you are losing or have lost, or if thou covet his woman.
4 Thou shalt run up the score against all teams that thou playest, with the exception of the hated Stag tribe of Southampton, whom thou shalt maim and deface instead.
5 If thou find thyself winning , thou shalt laugh and snigger at thine pathetic opponents; but if thou find thyself losing thou shalt shoot thyself, or thine opponent.
6 If thou find a glory-seeking running back type with thine ball, thou shalt in the words of the great prophet Jake of Box, 'Mong 'im '.
7 If thine clan doest reach the playoffs, thou shalt not change thine offensive strategy that got you there.
8 If thine team struggle , find solace in thine drinking ability.
9 If thou doest not practice , thou doest not deserve to dream (c/o No fear)
10 Thou shalt never , not ever , no play for Bristol.

Chapter 2
1 In the beginning , God sat down and had a think.
2 He got to thinking this way......I'm bored.
3 "I must find something to do" he said , and at that moment he got off the bog and started on making the earth.
4 He made the sun, star, daily mail and telegraph, and then made the sky, but Rupert Murdoch took the credit.
5 After he'd finished making the plants , he decided they were not fit for human consumption, with the exception of potatoes, and lettuce for dieting purposes, and so he created moving sources of food called animals; blundering only slightly that a great deal of them were a pain in the arse and hurt more than they tasted good.
6 Then he made man. Good move. Or so he thought. Within a few days, Man had become almost blind, having discovered the favourable aspects of pulling his pud.
7 Therefore God made woman. Good move, with a only a few drawbacks.
8 After a few days of woman being on the earth, God came to man and asked him some questions.
9 "Can you find any faults with this woman I have given you?"
10 "Yes" said man, "three faults. Everything she says and everything she does; and her tits could be a bit bigger"
11 God therefore traded in the woman for a perfect replica of Heather Locklear and man and god were both happy.