The Book of Killer Bees
The Lord's Team
1 And in the Lord's Sacred town, they did gather for the feast (they stabbed it with their steely
knives but they just can't kill the beast).
2 And the Lord did appear in a vision in front of the noble sage Steven, son of Bamford and did
say to him,
3 'trust in me , for I am the lord. Gird up thy loins and gather thine friends to form a mighty clan
to smite all the unbelievers'.
4 So he didst form a brotherhood , and give it the title of the Killer Bees.
5 He was assisted in his lordly duties by three most worthwhile servants, who didst cherish and
adore the work they didst labour at. And they were, Andrew of Stumpy of McKay, Matthew of
Blondman of Chomondeley of Warner, and the large spirited and even larger bellied Pete of
f'bloke of Davies.
6 And when the dawn had broken , the team had formed, and it did for evermore stand mighty on
the muddy and sloping pitches , on the noble hill in the lords town.
The Coming of the Beast
7 And there was a great crash of polycarbon upon metal, and the noble players of the Killer Bees
did perfect their wholesome art.
8 But within their number, there lay a great evil from the far west, and it didst truly terrify all
9 For it was The Beast, and it was truly one of Satan's own sons. It had eyes of the blackest hell,
and fiery breath (but that was the curry).
10 And I saw the beast take the field, and with it were all of satan's minions, for he held sway
and control over all he saw that day.
11 And the beast didst bear runes, that of a human number.
12 Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a
13 It's number was 68. And its name was Chubby.
14 And all could see that he was truly powerful, for when he commanded them they did do his
15 And his bidding was, 'Let's get down the Beehive!'
The Great Prophet
1 In the small hamlet , Melksham , a wise old soothsayer did hear word of the lord's new team
and he was pleased.
2 For the prophet did recognise the opportunity for notoriety, and fame and his chance to spread
3 He had met with the beholder , Steven , son of Bamford , and did agree, at that time , to
temporarily allign himself with the mighty clan.
4 And so the great prophet, James of Patrick of Le Snookster Formidable , did bring his infinite
wisdom to the mighty Bee Clan.
5 For his word was so great, and the lure of power and glory didst keep his allegiance with that
clan for all of its history, and his word was heard to the ends of the earth.
6 And the words he spoke were these, 'I don't believe it!.
The Wise Old man and the Fat Spaniard
7 Amongst the number of the Killer Bee clan were two souls deemed by all to most worthy in
8 For they brought many things to the clan , not least the ability to twat the opposition around,
for they held great strength, though the one was spanish.
9 And when the Killer Bees didst play in those early times, Disciple Geraint of Speed of Owen ,
and Miguel of Gomez of Spain did beat people up to the best of their abilities.
10 And their power was truly shown on a wet day in Satan's own cesspool , in Bristol against the
pitiful Bullets .
11 For the prophet James Patrick did declare , that the spanish one would partake of a ploy
called 'the crackback' upon a poor and feeble linebacker from Bristol.
12 And when he didst meet this poor individual , there was a crash of thunder and lightning, and
the masses didst scream, 'MEDIC!'
13 Soon after, the large welshman named Speed, did take the lord's law into his own hands, and
in order to gain conformity from the Bristol running back, he didst launch one of the lowly Bristol lineman at that back,
14 and the bodies did fall one upon the other, and the crowds were pleased with what they had